to becomei must first unbecomei must first tear downthe brickwork and mortarof a lifetime of pretense and subterfugelaid upon mecemented around me but… wait:it is easier to play the victimthan to account for myselfand tear down my own illusionsand rebuild anew deconstructionprecedes the becomingproceeds from the unbecomingand from that detrituswill rise(no, not a phoenix, that…
Category: Creative
imposter
this is the part of the story where i tell youthat i’ve always known i was transthat i’ve always felt that i was differentthat even from a young age… even from a young age… that’s how the story is supposed to startand then unfoldit’s the scripti’m autisticwe live by scripts but when i was a…
afloat
afloatadriftclinging to the jetsamof another dreamfoldingslidingroilingrememberingthe way i wasbefore i becomethe way i amand beneaththese fingertipswhere the echoesglistenedlistenedredoubledretainedexhaledinhaledreleaseddissolveddissolvinginto the spacebetween the wallsand unbecoming and when i woke upeverything was whole again 04.11.23
interlude 1
in a corner of the labyrinthhalfway inhalfway outi found a chair by a table it was a green armchairwith carved mahagony legsand coarse upholsteryscratchy but invitingdrenched in nostalgia the table was an end tableround toprecently refinishedso it reflected the dim lightof the hallway on the table was a vasemade of depression-era glassand containing one yellow…
snapshots (middle school)
snapshot:my mother has taken me to the house of a friend of hers who works in a hair salonexceptmaybe she doesn’t maybe she’s on leave maybe she was firedi don’t really knowbuti get a haircut that’s supposed to be from a professionalat a cut ratebecause it’s in her houseand she’s not supposed to be doing…
down the hallway
after a half century of masking and denialautism self-realizationis walking down a hallwaywith a hundred doorsand each door hides another realization how does one respond to“just checking on you”in a way that doesn’t sound loaded?“i’m fine” sounds dismissive“i’m alive” is either glib or passive-aggressive masking“doing great” only works if i’m doing great and i’m not…
InferKit Test 2: Spring
The first line is mine, the rest was generated by InferKit. Spring is green, but not too green. It’s blooming, but I can’t take off for a couple weeks. Most of the flowers are past their prime and going to seed. (There’s a shock, because I am not a flower person.) My tulips are gone…
just spring
spring is greenbut not too greenand the air is warmbut not too warmand the sun is brightbut not too bright and i rememberthe balloonmanand the sloshy mudwhich was just spring but is spring just? 04.07.23
writing by gaslight
you’re not any good at this,you know everyone is being politewhen they say they want to hearwhat you have to say they’re worried about your meltdownsabout your fragile emotional state it costs them so much to be honestand so little to just lieso they liethey say you’re a good writerthey say you have interesting pointsthey…
red
red is the momentthat rage devours despairblood dampens waterfire dissolves tears i was drowningin an ocean of bluesuccumbing to the darknesssliding into the slipstream but we can drownor we can burn we can collapseor we can overcome we can slide between the wallsand disappear into the shadows or we can claw our wayback into the…