It feels like the Loud Rhetorical Part of the White Progressive Left wants to believe there are two kinds of people: Those who have excised all prejudice from themselves, and those who are drowning in their own bigotry.
So when Sarah McBride suggested that we’ll need to have tough conversations with people who don’t currently support complete trans rights, she was attacked for, yet again, engaging in the Democratic game of Centrist Appeasement.
Now, first off, I agree that the Democrats are far too often willing to capitulate to bigotry. We bathe ourselves in the Myth of the High Road (sorry, Ms. Obama) and act like the bigots will just come around if we talk kindly enough with them.
At the same time, though, the opposite approach isn’t effective either. We’re not going to get far trying to talk reason with the likes of Nancy Mace and Ben Shapiro, but in the middle there are a BUNCH of people whose views on transness are malleable, but who are currently wary of full rights.
For instance: I believe that all people, including trans people, should use the public restroom of their choosing. I also believe that this is a smokescreen from the anti-trans crowd, who generally don’t support gun control. I bring guns up because their argument against gun control is that innocent people shouldn’t be restricted because of the actions of the guilty whose existence is made clear far too regularly, while they allege that bathroom laws are needed because of hypothetical criminals, ignoring the rights of the innocent (so, by implication, in their view all trans people are criminals).
However, there are many, many people who have been disinformed into believing that there is an epidemic of transgender perverts victimizing girls in bathrooms. We are not going to convince these people by treating them, collectively and in their totality, with condescending and hostile tones.
If we go back to the true origins of the concept of “wokeness”, the idea that anyone can be 100% free of racial prejudice is widely rejected in both word and deed. Ibram X. Kendi writes at length in “How to Be an Antiracist” of his own struggles with internalized racism, and how he learned to present himself in academic settings to distance himself from Black stereotypes. Erykah Badu, who popularized “Stay Woke”, has spoken in multiple interviews through the years on the complexities of that concept, and was called out a decade ago for a positive comment about a certain German dictator.
The core concept of becoming woke is about growth, not completion: On racial issues, at its origin; on any issues of bigotry, as it is currently used. Expecting a certain arbitrary level of purity of thought in order to be allowed into a conversation is a recipe for disaster.
Well into my 20s, I was woefully unaware of my racism. I felt awkward around queer people. I struggled with my internalized misogyny. I have grown quite a bit since then, and I still have biases to address. I am a work in progress; all of us are.
So if someone is on an earlier step in their process than I am and is genuinely open to listening, I’m willing to talk. If they’re not willing to listen, or their journey is taking them into a darker place of the forest, then I’m not willing to talk.
And we can’t always tell where a stranger is headed, so I do think it’s important to be open to having clarifying conversations with some people who are currently expressing prejudicial views. NOT, I say, NOT at the expense of our own rights, but with the goal of encouraging others to support our perspective.
I realize that’s a difficult needle to thread, and an exhausting one. I’m also not suggesting that traumatized and oppressed people need to be extend olive branches they’re not willing to extend. I’m saying that those of us who do want to seek to talk to the less supportive (but open to change) not be mocked for having hope.