the name that i have been given

the name that i have been given
speaks to a child that doesn’t understand
the cruelty of the world

as if it is a given
as if that is how the world must be
as if the child is the one that is broken
because they cannot understand

you might say it in the space of a heartbeat
but it lingers in that gap
and resonates
echoes
reverberates
in the cavity of my soul

the name that i have been given
interrupts a daydream
to remind me that
i’m the one that doesn’t fit

it is a box that tells me
who the world thinks i am
and doesn’t let me breathe
my
own
air

it is an anchor
tied around my ankles
and each time it is uttered
the chain grows tighter

i want to fly
and it reminds me
i cannot

when i say that
the name that i have been given
doesn’t fit me
what i mean is that
i don’t fit it

i am too big
i am an expanse of ideas,
thoughts, emotions
spread out across the night sky
the fire of a sunset
the dew in the aftermath of a squall
the roots of a tree that spread out
and down
into the heart
into the hearth

there is no name for that

the name that i have been given
is a yoke
that i am told to wear
to accept the inevitable disappointment
of the world

but why
why should i have to accept the world
why shouldn’t the world have to accept

ME

?

– ptkh