a letter
to the girl i never was

i’m sorry that you didn’t have a chance to be

i wish i could say that i knew you were there
watching the world
behind a web of masculinity

but i was trying too hard
to fit in
to not be mocked
to stand up myself
to make my father proud

little me didn’t understand
why i didn’t quite fit

and so i never heard you sighing
never heard you whispering

you were too quiet
too gentle

i was too awkward
too frightened

and now
am i too old
would it be too silly
for me to listen to your voice
to let you express yourself

i’m so used to silencing myself
so used to adjusting my mask
so that nobody sees the me
the you
the we

if i’m honest
i don’t even know
if you’re me
or if you’re another mask
behind the mask
behind the mask

so i’m so sorry
i’m sorry i didn’t have a chance to be

at least
not quite yet


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