a letter
to the girl i never was
i’m sorry that you didn’t have a chance to be
i wish i could say that i knew you were there
inside
watching the world
behind a web of masculinity
but i was trying too hard
to fit in
to not be mocked
to stand up myself
to make my father proud
little me didn’t understand
why i didn’t quite fit
and so i never heard you sighing
never heard you whispering
you were too quiet
too gentle
i was too awkward
too frightened
and now
am i too old
would it be too silly
for me to listen to your voice
to let you express yourself
i’m so used to silencing myself
so used to adjusting my mask
so that nobody sees the me
the you
the we
inside
if i’m honest
i don’t even know
if you’re me
or if you’re another mask
behind the mask
behind the mask
so i’m so sorry
i’m sorry i didn’t have a chance to be
at least
not quite yet
04.04.23
