I am autistic. I have meltdowns. When I was younger, I was not diagnosed as autistic. I had an explosive temper. I had anger management problems. I was a problem. I have multiple memories over my lifetime, especially as a teen and young adult, about how my moods were making other people feel. “We are…
Category: Diary
7/21
The other day I was watching a video on Imposter Syndrome and disability. One thing that Jessica Kellgren-Fozard said (at about 5:30) that really stood out to me was that because they’ve been disabled for so long, they don’t really have a good meter for what’s it like to not be disabled. My primary physical…
4/10
For anyone reading this blog and not my other social media, I wanted to let you know that my inertia isn’t gone, I’m just working on a long piece that’s taking up most of my creative writing energy. Basically, a November novel, just not in November. So I’m writing more each day than I have…
March 27, 2022
The other day I kept catching my reflection in the window at the restaurant and the body dysmorphia was so strong. It wasn’t disgust at my gender, not at my weight, but at my presence. My frame is so freakin’ large compared to how I feel. I want to take up a tiny little space…
March 26, 2022
Years ago, when my spouse and I were on a bus in Toronto, the woman next to us turned and asked, “Are the voices in my head bothering you?” We were only a few blocks away from our destination, and we decided it would be faster to walk than stay on the bus because we…
March 12, 2022
When I was a child, there was a PSA about the new kid in school. The child was a loner until one of the established kids reached out and made them feel welcome. Then everyone realized that the new kids was okay, and there were smiles and laughs. When I was a child, I went…
My 52nd Birthday
March 4, 2020 was my 52nd birthday. A virus called COVID-19 had been infecting the population in China and other countries, and the US was starting to express concerns. We hadn’t had any definitively confirmed cases yet in Michigan, but within two weeks, schools would be shut down as a precaution. March 12 was the…