Category: Diary

I’ve done it, I’ve solved Imposter Syndrome. I haven’t cured it. And, no, I haven’t really solved it. I just can… explain it? Maybe? For me? I don’t know. Maybe it’s all meaningless garbage. And to be clear, in this case, I’m talking (mostly) about that form of Imposter Syndrome involving membership in marginalized groups,…

I’ve been spending the last few days updating and reorganizing my Math entries. Wherever possible, I replaced any missing images, and made a few clean-ups. On multiple times I was impressed with the depth and amount of work I put into an entry; on multiple times, I clucked at the mistakes and inanity of my…

Something I’ve struggled with in the past has come back yet again to roost: I’m masking from myself. I don’t know quite who I am because I’m not telling myself. I don’t trust myself not to out me to everyone else, and so I’m hiding a huge part of myself away and not letting me…

I’ve changed hosts because my previous host had an increasing number of issues. Anyway, I’m hopefully back now, on a faster and more reliable host.

(I wrote this on my phone on 4/21, and transcribed it here on 4/29.) I can feel the friction when I write between the need for organization and the desire to scream whisper shout whimper stretch out big squeeze down small. Between the need for order and the demand for chaos and I don’t know…

I’m feeling stagnant. The daily poems (word salads) have become mechanical, and I’m not sure how I’m feeling about them now. I’m in that mode of “only x to go” (which is now down to “only five to go”), so they’re feeling like a chore. I have books I want to read, but I keep…

(This is just a dream journal entry, kept here because it goes with the previous item and I don’t want to lose it. No deep reflections here, but if you want to read it anyway, go for it.) So there was of course more to the dream than I put in that write-up. It was…

I’ve made it past the two-thirds mark for April. Some days I really struggle with new words, and I’m feeling like there’s a shadow of glumness that hovers over most of them. My inner child is now and has long been so very emo, but I also feel like I’m turning a corner. Therapy? sings:…

Q. How far can you go into a forest? A. Halfway. Then you’re coming back out of it. I recognize this ennui. When I take on a fixed-length project, like “write every day for a month” (which is what I’m doing right now), I find myself questioning whether there’s any point to what I’m doing….

I am now a week into my second (I believe) attempt to write a poem a day for April. I did it at least once before, but this year I’m feeling a little more focused. April is a difficult month for creating habits because the school year is winding down, but there is still just…