somewhere near my 13th birthdayi was in an ice cream shop in an underground mall in torontothat was attached to a subway station in a way that i didn’t understand at the timeand they were offering one, two, or three scoopsin a cup or a cone i asked for three scoops in a coneand they…
Category: Poetry
glasspeople
somewhere deepwithin the labyrinth where the glasspeoplehad found themselveslost in betweenthe there and the here i sat a whileon a molded vinyl chairand listened to their murmurings i could not speaki had lost my voicealthough the words swelled uppuffed uppressed against my chest i had so many things to sayi had so many thoughts to…
whisper
i had words beforebut i convinced myselfthat they were pointlessand so they wandered offand found another placeto play 04.14.23
deconstruction time
to becomei must first unbecomei must first tear downthe brickwork and mortarof a lifetime of pretense and subterfugelaid upon mecemented around me but… wait:it is easier to play the victimthan to account for myselfand tear down my own illusionsand rebuild anew deconstructionprecedes the becomingproceeds from the unbecomingand from that detrituswill rise(no, not a phoenix, that…
imposter
this is the part of the story where i tell youthat i’ve always known i was transthat i’ve always felt that i was differentthat even from a young age… even from a young age… that’s how the story is supposed to startand then unfoldit’s the scripti’m autisticwe live by scripts but when i was a…
afloat
afloatadriftclinging to the jetsamof another dreamfoldingslidingroilingrememberingthe way i wasbefore i becomethe way i amand beneaththese fingertipswhere the echoesglistenedlistenedredoubledretainedexhaledinhaledreleaseddissolveddissolvinginto the spacebetween the wallsand unbecoming and when i woke upeverything was whole again 04.11.23
interlude 1
in a corner of the labyrinthhalfway inhalfway outi found a chair by a table it was a green armchairwith carved mahagony legsand coarse upholsteryscratchy but invitingdrenched in nostalgia the table was an end tableround toprecently refinishedso it reflected the dim lightof the hallway on the table was a vasemade of depression-era glassand containing one yellow…
snapshots (middle school)
snapshot:my mother has taken me to the house of a friend of hers who works in a hair salonexceptmaybe she doesn’t maybe she’s on leave maybe she was firedi don’t really knowbuti get a haircut that’s supposed to be from a professionalat a cut ratebecause it’s in her houseand she’s not supposed to be doing…
down the hallway
after a half century of masking and denialautism self-realizationis walking down a hallwaywith a hundred doorsand each door hides another realization how does one respond to“just checking on you”in a way that doesn’t sound loaded?“i’m fine” sounds dismissive“i’m alive” is either glib or passive-aggressive masking“doing great” only works if i’m doing great and i’m not…
just spring
spring is greenbut not too greenand the air is warmbut not too warmand the sun is brightbut not too bright and i rememberthe balloonmanand the sloshy mudwhich was just spring but is spring just? 04.07.23