Sunday: My two brothers and I had a long, deliberate talk about childhood traumas. This is the first such conversation I remember having, at least in person, with both of them together. My older brother lives in northern Saskatchewan and visits every few years. My younger brother lives about an hour south of me. Saturday,…
Author: Clio
8/3/22
I have an appointment on Monday to get a replacement prosthetic eye. I’ve had this one for about 20 years, and while it seems to still be in decent enough shape, it’s time for a new one. It got me thinking about when I was a teenager and it was time for a new prosthetic….
The first of August, 2022 (2)
I have long had this discomfort having conversations, especially about emotional topics. It feels like I’m playing out a script: I speak, you speak, I speak, and I can see the galleys of dialogue that we’ve been working our way through. As if the point of conversation is not to connect with another, but rather…
The first of August, 2022 (1)
It would be nice if the people who live in my head would pay rent from time to time. The first people who moved into my psyche were my parents. They have separate rooms in the cellar, well entrenched there in apartments that most of the other residents aren’t even aware are there. There’s no…
(Don’t) Call Me on the Telephone
I have long avoided phone calls. If I have to call someone else, I usually need to work myself up. And when the phone rings, I either let it go to voicemail or (much less often) answer with an anxious aggression. I have generally attributed this avoidance to PTSD: After I moved out of my…
“Disabled” and Passive Language
Special interest: Our language choices can affect and even effect thoughts. This is generally known as the Weak Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis. And though this generally focuses on word choice, it’s also true of grammatical choices. One example is the debate between “person first” (“person with autism”) and “identity first” (“autistic person”) language. Disabled people (persons with…
X
The first full day that I owned a driver’s license with an X for the gender and no part of my birth name on it, I went to see a band named X with a lead singer named John Doe with a ticket I had not purchased. From the time I parked to the time…
7/24
I am autistic. I have meltdowns. When I was younger, I was not diagnosed as autistic. I had an explosive temper. I had anger management problems. I was a problem. I have multiple memories over my lifetime, especially as a teen and young adult, about how my moods were making other people feel. “We are…
Neurodiverse Grieving
This week I had to euthanize one of my cats. She’d been with us for nearly 20 years; she came in as a stray that refused to leave the porch. She was stubborn until the end, but it was clear that her various physical problems, particularly a cheek infection of some sort, had overwhelmed her….
Twitter: Autism Story Time
Prompt on Twitter: “When did you first notice feeling confused by social expectations?” Reply: I don’t remember “first”, but… story time! When I was in fifth grade or so, the bully wanted to beat me up. I told him he could, but only if it was after school where nobody could watch. I told him…