A true conversation means that everyone involved is actually willing to change. “Our side” of the transgender debate has been willing to compromise and seek a middle ground for decades, but over that time, the other side has just dug in more with arrogant claims about mental illness and patently false claims about p3d0philia (the same claims made decades ago about gay folks, and claims now embraced BY certain gay folks who want to distance themselves from us).
The mature conversation cannot happen until the people on THAT side of the table direct their bigots to sit down. And before you say they’re all bigots: I don’t believe they all are. I believe many of them are truly confused and misinformed.
I say that because I was once one of them. I had very negative opinions of transgender people. I didn’t try to ban their existence, but I also laughed at jokes in movies like “Bachelor Party” and — gulp — “Ace Ventura”. When a friend said she was transgender, I scoffed and ended the friendship.
I own this. I was deeply wrong. We cannot move forward as humans of empathy and compassion unless we own our errors, and I have made many.
And this is not to say that there are no transgender people who are being unreasonable. There’s a Tiktok influencer, lillytino_, who makes restaurant review videos, but she’s also made several videos talking about how she left a restaurant because she was misgendered. Deliberate misgendering is cruelty that deserves to get called out, but most of the time, I’m misgendered by accident or habit.
But here’s the point: There are many, many trans creators who have called her out for her impatience. We do address those among our own community who go too far.
The other side make their bigots President and sit quietly while he wreaks Iron Fist havoc.
And that’s the difference. We’re not perfect, there are people who engage in intolerant, even hateful, rhetoric, but we do address that. Most of us would welcome a mature conversation and a middle ground.
We’re not willing, though, to participate in our own eradication. We exist, we have always existed, and we will always exist. We would love to navigate the world peacefully, but we’re currently facing attempts at blatant oppression, and we will not take that quietly.